THE bum’s hEre

"Um, no thanks. That kinda bitch isn’t my cup of tea," she retorts with puff from her cigarette.

"Save the drill for your horse of an asshole,love. I tried. I’ll see your ass tomorrow at work. Call me if you need me." She watches her friend as she swings her handbag over her shoulders. They cheek-to-cheeked and she disappeared of into the crowd towards the main door.

So what if I’m depressed, she thought. So fucking what if I feel lonely and need company. She sucked in her cigarette long and hard, in an attempt to possibly take all the heavy pain in her heart away. What seemed to be an innocuous defeat got her choking in her own breath.

She angrily threw the cigarette butt down on the floor and squashed it beneath her Manolo Blahnik pumps. Stupid fucking assholes. Bitches. Fucking ashes on the floor. Fucking smoke tried to kill my ass. She drowned the last bit of her drink and grabbed her purse on the table. One of her legs got caught up with one of the stools. She falls down, curses loud enough for everyone around her to hear. With as much dignity as she could muster, she stood up and stared back at the audience that looked at her like she was a matter of much interest, the sea-lion balancing a beach ball on her nose.

"Stuff that smoke up your face, you bastards. Your wives at home’s feeding yer wailin child and you’re lickin up whore’s asses. To hell with you all!" she yelled as she clutched her purse close to her breasts. She walked down as haughtily as she could towards the exit, flinging her arms around and making as much noise, havoc to anyone that got in her way.

The cold dusk of night air hits her face as soon as she steps out. Nothing could deter her sadness within. She gulped in as much fresh air as she could, and stared out at the dark sky, forming in her mind, her body, her soul.

"You took him away, You bastard! He said he’ll never leave me but YOU took HIM away! WHY?! What did he do to YOU to deserve this?! What did I do?!" Tears were streaming down her face she she cried out loud, forcing out the answer from The One. Her knees buckled; it gave way to her vulnerabality, went down right to her weaknesses in her body to scratch it out again.

There she was again, begging for an answer, yearning for him to wrap his arms around her again. Defeat wasn’t an option. Not even to fate. She wasn’t going to settle down knowing that he was dead. She wasn’t just going to be contented with the answer. She’ll find out. She’ll find out Why.

Thus her journey begins.

What the FUCK r comments? I mean, HEEELLLOOO??? U hv testimonials n that’s more than enough to fill anyone’s space up with pathetic, deceiving crap n ta-da! We’ve got another shitty load of ‘comments’ to layan to. Aiyoooh, like heck, it’s prob gonna be filled up with the same things. Stupid beyond stupidity.

Friendster is getting moronic.

N im just using it to blog. Making one would be too tedious n i’d forget my password. Hmph.

N if u’d notice, I sweared. By God, I did. I’m following the ‘arus pembangunan’ wei, be proud of me dear friends of mine!

Though I still detest it. Really. It’s so low. N yes, that goes for me too. But it’s ok, putting urself down n stamping your own oversized head with that ridiculously high-heeled pumps that could literally kill somebody with it isn’t all that bad a thing. Makes u realize ur human after all. Ho hum.

Haha. Self-esteem makes u forget ur on a planet where ppl think martubation’s the key to happiness. It’s a cruel unjustified world out there. U gotta do what u gotta do to survive.

Boy, I sound like a survivor there. *hehe*

Ok here’s the thing. I think my parents r nuts. Sweet. But nuts. It was their 20th wedding anniversary last wed-(wait, 20TH?! They lasted THAT long?! I wouldn’t hv believed it if i wasn’t their child….) But yeah…20th n they’re telling the whole world bout it. Mom got up this morning to cook nasi kunyit n I was like, WHA-?! (she doesn’t even KNOW how to cook nasi kunyit!) .They even ordered this shop to cook chicken curry n today my she’s gonna give it out to the kids n staff she teaches in this academy.

Each year ten years ago they were arguing over who forgot the date. When it’s two weeks after their anniversary.

0_0

Last time we celebrated, I was 6 n putting hand-made streamers (cheap coloured paper) n this " Happy (something something) Anniversary Mama n Papa" with my sibs in their room. We were still in S’pore back then. They loved it. They teared. We even hv a pic of it somewhere… I wonder where all that harmony family thing go.

Oh well.

I was back in S’pore this year when it was their big day n i wished them at around 7.30 in the morning. After jogging. *Oh my God, u don’t hv to look THAT surprised*. lol, i was bored. N i needed to get my ass up like, PRONTO.

Anyway it’s a really good thing they’re getting along great n they’re doing something that makes them feel good. Dad got her this jade bangle n new Emporio Armani frames for her glasses n SHE RETURNED IT BACK. Changed it 5 times since then. Now THANK GOD she’s contented with this one. My dad might’ve just burst. Sigh. He loves her. Yes he does. Just layan her lar Pa…asalkan bahagia..

I certainly hope I’m not as bad as mama when i get married. *lol*. okok, 99% confirm, I’m like the carbon copy of her when it comes to attitude n personality. We’re an egoistic duo. N we can’t stand each other.

i still love her though.

Mama in orange, Papa in white.

Now, im really worried bout that nasi kunyit havoc in the kitchen…..let’s hv a taste shall we…

I’m trying to figure out myself.so just bear with me for a min folks.

I’m sure that….. my sister got mixed up with another baby in the hospital. she’s got another set of REAL parents. i’m REALLY sure of this.

I like….. to look at olive oil bottles on the shelves of the supermarket. they’re very pretty.

I’ve got…..a crush on a man i don’t know. he wears a really nice Ermenegildo Zegna jacket though.

I’d like to…..ok, there’s a lot to this que.

a) be the prime minister’s wife (of the future)

b) be the minister of education so i save those future poor souls from sitting for the wretched SPM n PMR

c) dominate klang with susha

d) be able to be like danny phantom so i can ”rasuk” into ppl.

e) be batman’s gf

f) kick the ”Winx” ass off with my sidekick, Detective Conan

I think…..that im actually a very nice person. i just don’t know how to give n take, i dun hv patience, i snap at ppl, i bite my sister, i’m a teensy bit emotional, and i think im always rite. but that’s bout it. other than that im very approachable u know.

I know…..that the world is flat. it is. i don’t care.

I have a feeling….. that men will be under the 1001 Red Endangered species under the UN in 5 years time. transsexuals, gays, bi’s, n homo’s will be entertaining us in a few years to come. so be forewarned, ladies. get ur pardners now.

I hope…..that iman will stop acting cute someday. even though she is. mengade.

Life is….. a little bit of pasta sauce, basil leaves, mushroom, minced meat n maybe a lil tobasco sauce to spice things up. toss in your spaghetti n it’ll end up in your tummy. poof. gone.

The closest thing to me is….. death.

The farthest this to me is….. my past.

The most irritating, nonsensical thing in the world is…..

a) the time

b) gravity (what else makes all the fat in my body go to my hips?)

c) mat rempit’s n their gf’s, minah rempit’s

Maintenance….is a bitch. i can NEVER keep fit.

Happiness….. comes from inside. A pill.

Love is…..crap? i prefer ‘like’. i’m gonna ‘like’ my future husband instead of loving him. so that i’ll still ‘like’ him even though im angry at him. cuz now when u get angry at a loved one u dun particularly ‘like’ him at the moment but u still love him rite? so yeah, im gonna keep on ‘liking’ instead of ‘loving’. it’s too heavy n memenatkan lah.

*tiny laugh*

The world will…..realise that God really IS there, someday.

Puppy love….. is the best kinda love in the world! it’s the love that’s free of any judgements. u’ll just like the guy for who he is. never mind the chipped tooth or the dirty socks. ur in love!

I am….. gonna hv a ”puppy love” relationship with my husband so that i’m not aware of his weaknesses, won’t cari pasal with him n not get mad at him for being such a slob

Vannesa….. I’m not a pathetic romantic!

Classified biatch with a nice, sincere, smile is my middle name *CHING! flashes crooked colgate kayu sugi smile*

I really do think…..that cats should dominate the world n flatter everyone with their major cuteness….. ok that sounds dumb. But anything’s better than Bush though. Hmph.

Alah, im normal after all kan? if tea solves all problems for the English, we’ll stick to teh taaaaaariiiik.

We hv this real adorable, cute giler mcm-nak-gigit punya neighbour whoz a chinese muslim. he’s around 10 i think, but a puny lil’ thing. Putra Al-Muiz, nama glamour tak terhingga nawh! lol. just b4 he kena sunat (yelar, b4 12 kan) he was singing to himself,

"…when DARKNESS turns to Light, IT ends tonight…IT ends tonight…."

kesiannyer….hahah!

he was running around his house in his oversized kain pelikat b4 that -_-

n AFTER the procedure….hmmph….jgnlar nak kata apa2. mulut reti diam pun. not even the tiniest whimper. control macho, katakan..

ANYWAY, im so running out or the topic im supposed to hebohkan here. *jeng jeng jeng..* MARRIAGE!!!

*does Hakka dance*….n fails.

pooh.

k k, seriousness now. was in the car talking to dad bout my future. when i wanna get married…what kinda guy..n all that shyt kan. n i was like.. ”not too early, not too late” (*hint hint* 24-25) n one more thing that’s MAJORLY important to me. this future dude of mine’s gotta be SO MUCH MORE mature n SMARTER than me. (usually older guys like this kan, but then again, that’s not confirmed also. sheesh. *shakes head* susah nak carik calon2 suami yg sesuai skarang nih….)

does that make sense? (can just imagine all the girls spitting on the monitor screen wei..tsk)

oh really, ladies. come on. i HV gone out with..well..diff types of men/boys/jerks/wimps/idiotic assholes who hv no friggin idea when to show their lubang hidung b4 n really, i need a guy who can control me. coz so far….all FAILED. n finally…..for their own sake…(n prob mine) let go. (the matter of doing in successfully or not is NONE OF UR BEESWAX.)

im a baaaaaaaaaaaaad….evil….disrespectful gf.

either that, or im not ready to be in a relationship.

the latter sounds better. kan? kan? *smiles uncertainly*

im trying to be optimistic here ppl, so yeah, a lil’ cheer of ”HAIL HAIL” or "AYE AYE" might be helfpul. instead of all the flummoxed faces i can imagine getting now.

*silence……..*boleh dgr org kentut pun.

oh thanx a LOT woman, that DId help a lot.*sheesh*. nak harapkan kaum sendiri pun tak boleh. hampeh lar korang.

but let’s get back to business here. i hv a big mouth. (not literally lar) as in, i love getting it my way n all, always ready for a fresh arguement. in fact, im always hyped about it when it comes n it becomes ”fresher” n oh so much more challenging. until kan, i hv a feeling lar, they all also gave up on me. either thinking that ”this mak cik really cannot give n take lar, hopeless case” (kurang ajor tul) OR, sorry to say, they FEAR me.

oh, that sounds SO good.

*gives widest grin u’ll ever c*

so well, i hv to do something bout this. takkan nak jadi anak dara forever kan. (nanti nenek, mak cik2 sume buat bising ckp shima punya anak no.2 takde org berkenan…eeeeh…malu lar..). i can’t seem to scare the opp sex away, (even though i’ll prob NEVER ever admit that we ladies do need them yes, more like over my not-so-dead yet body) but obviously, hannah does want to get married someday.

n my dad told me. get a guy who can give u..*clears throat*…

1. safety

2. comfort

3. security

wise eh? that’s the most important thing, as a husband. the others all cabang2 can be looked after that later on.

this future hottie (hopefully) dude of mine’s gotta be older than me. not 1 year. (didn’t work). maybe 3 or 4. takkanlar as much as Siti Nurhaliza n Dato’ K. melebih tu. cuz when someone’s older than u, u tend to respect him/her cuz she deserves it rite? yeah. but i guess that one year gap relationship i had didn’t work cuz he wasn’t able to control me kot.

which comes to the next ciri. he has to be smart to shut me up. really. im dead serious bout this. check out my expression. *_*. can kill anyone with it wei.

okok, in the midst of this stupor, im just wishing he’s a carbon copy of jude law or johnny depp ….*lopsided smile*..

alah, that Prince Charming dude i met in the train also can lar. lets not ask for too much shall we? hehe

n maybe posses that languid yet confident walk that tells u he’s in control, man, yeah, the world’s in muh hands!

err…yeah, something like that. u get the pic kan.

can i tambah one more thing? k k, he has to hv this really sweet sweet once-in-while-burgeoning ideas that could melt a girl’s heart!

n maybe, maybe kan, a smile that’s to die for! one that could make me forgive him whenever he makes a mistake.aaahh….

eh, is that a good thing?

nvm. 0_0

but for now, im gonna hv my most carefree, most indolent, most fantastic time of this lovely singlehood life im going thru. bende2 kahwin tu boleh pikir2 nanti lar kan…heheh..

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I’m coming Honey!!!!!

nights for now!

Firstly, hats off to the debate team A from UIAM. awesome, awesome work guys. seriously *pui fuk* u ppl. beating harvard n oxford n all the other major Uni’s in the world. no.1 debate team in the world. n also best speaker. thanx for putting m’sia’s name up in the world map. lolz. cekap-ness. am proud of being a ’sort of’ m’sian. haha!

im pretty much the housekeeper here now. since everyone’s out of the house by 9. (i better, better lose weight i tell ya) :P. n iman can cycle a two-wheeler already! i hv to chase her when sending her off or picking her up from school.

me:*puffing*panting* IMAN! WAIT FOR KAKAK HANNAH!! (im not really deep into running u know)

ims:I CAN’T GO SLOW KAKAK HANNAH, NANTI IMAN JATUH LAR!

me: *wha-??*

lolz, that’s part of my routine nowadays.

6.00: wakes up. pray. yells at my sis to move on faster. sleep.

7.59: wakes up. hobbles over to iman’s room to get her ready for school.

8.15: forces her to eat breakfast. more like shoves it down her throat.

8.25: watch tv

9.00: go online. delete psycho messeges from psycho ppl. attempt to live a normal life like normal ppl n get a life.

10.30: mandi.

10.50: do the laundry which consists of me using all my tenaga(really) to carry the baldi-ful of water in the washing machine. because the stupid effing water power is not strong enough. this, i hv to do the process twice. *curses under breath*

11.20: put ingredients out to cook. then procedes to pick iman up from school.

11.30: chases iman home lugging her heavy, ridiculously pink barbie bag.

11.38: reaches home. cooks lunch with iman, thinking she’s helping out a lot by hovering near my ass trying to get in my way. (since she’s that short)

12.00: done cooking. iman eats. n she turns out alright. no puking, nothing. Thank God. *phew*

1.00: mandikan iman.

1.30: pray, go online while iman’s ’styling’ my hair with a ruler.

so there, that’s my day for today. i sound like a ‘bibik’ dun i? *shrugs*

i miss my bro he’s in a boarding school now *sob sob*. gonna c him this sun anyway n he asks to ‘bawak lauk rumah eh’. so yeah, im excited. *smiles*. haven’t seen him in ages!

n i got my cert n dvd’s from Earthwatch today. lolz, of all places, i was in Disney Channel, North America. (Disney Channel? wha-?!) n Discovery Channel. or was it National Geographic? either one of them lar. DHL came.

Gawd, life’s so still now. i’ve got my ass on the net for practically half a day. me SHALL get a life.

hv a good day folks!

-prosperity beef burger-delicious dgn tiada kesudahannya-lolz

im home. i practically dragged my gramps home wif me. lolz. sokay, we’ll be back there on fri. i think.

anyway it’s been a while. everyone’s started college n i’m..goyang kaki-ing. :). dad’s giving me an option to do diploma. in law. at uitm. n im like….."uhh……um..yeah..maybe." *nods head vigorously*

mati lar oi…..

so many changes, i’ve heard so many new from my lyurves here. some started college, already complaining with the amount of assignments they’re getting. n heck, im not ready to go thru all that wei. menakutkan.

some has gotten scholarships. *snorts*

some got jobs.

some pegi ns.

some like me, balik kampung jalan-jalan, shopping-shopping, urut kaki nenek.

n oh yeah, tunggu call from Body Shop.

n sometimes, i cry. when u just stop for awhile n think back bout what happened in 2006, whoa. i was like, i could go thru THAT? i didn’t know i had it. not bad. im not weak. (tsk, im NOT!) i still survived eh. haha..n it’s not only the case of SPM/O’ levels. it’s the friends, the family’s troubles, the break up’s, the school stress, differenciating who ur real friends r. it’s like susun-ing all ur priorities again cuz heck, 18 this year. my parent’s aren’t gonna direct my life anymore.

i control my life. *shudder*

in the end u gotta make ur own conclusion rite. find out who ur real friends r. n heck, i think i’ve met enough to know who’s worth it n who’s not. im surprised, yes, that there R some ppl who r …well, fake. good-old fashion decendy, sudah kaput. i seriously gotta buck up , im still living in this retro world of mind. old-school, katakan.

its like, no use even attempting to be an optimist now wei. everything just seems to bring u down.

nevertheless, i’ll still keep on living my way. hey, life’s gotta be colourful

anyway try reading ”The Family Ways”- Tony Parsons. good book. i’ve been letting my emotions out thru books lately. maybe it’s because i can relate to them. *shrugs*

i met Prince Charming yesterday. lolz. we tak kenal each other. still. he made my day. *sighs…* hope i get to bump into him someday.

haha….fantasies keeps me alive.

ta for now!

-karipap Onan Rd sedap giler wei-

no one survives on a diet of hope. so where’s the reality check?